for the past 3 and a half years i have been trying to be/become a useful member of great britain's economy. having been fed the myth that a prestigious (puke) university education would improve my employment prospects i now find myself in the unenviable position of still owing more than i could even hope to earn in a year.
OH WOE IS ME!
woe is me for happening to enter high education within the 7 year window between the labour government introducing fees and loans and the reinstatement of a grant system.
woe is me for embarking upon a ridiculous course of (failed) academia installing in me a sense of entitlement so profound that i don't even believe having a sense of entitlement is my own fault, but somebody else's for putting it there.
so what could have brought on this brooding and unholy exposition?
the little white letter on the doormat this morning. not a fragrant red billet-doux, but a standard economy envelope. yes i was expecting it - after all, the same thing has happened at least twelve times in the past two years.
is it really such a bad thing to be so misfitting and unemployable that no business can slot you into their moneymaking enterprise? especially when you know they're hardly going to pay you anyway? which is at least half the point of working in the first place.
but i still have to face the fact again and again that i'm not the best person for the job and never will be. if anyone wants a freelance wotnot, you know where to come...