token girl: like a girl, but better

Thursday, 29 September 2005

rehab is short for rehabilitation, you know

KATE MOSS has been admitted to an exclusive, members only top secret rehabilitation centre in the Arizona desert, it emerged today.

our source has disclosed that the centre is a bizarre home presided over by a group of matronly professional mothers recruited from across the globe.

'what kate clearly needs right now is a whole lot of mothering,' said the source, 'it's going to be like that lazy period between christmas and new year when you can't leave the house cos it's too cold and you're too fat, but she'll have all the time she needs.'

allegedly moss will be looked after by a crack team of hardline mothers, each trained in a specific motherly skill. according to our source, a programme has been tailor made for the famous clothes hanger and rock hanger-on. therapies used INCLUDE:
- no nonsense boy advice from a top notch jewish mom
- food for the soul from an indian mother
- cups of tea made to order by pleasant and well-mannered english mum

'sometimes all you need is a bit of hair-stroking, sitting on the sofa in your pjs and crap tv to knock you into shape and remind you that you'd rather be living your life than being nagged at by your mum. i give kate a week.'

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