i didn't see this one coming

busted go bust

party by the book

oh god this is lovely! so lovely. i mean, it's about parties in books! how fabulous. i read this on, er, saturday night and felt so festive and civilised, all pyjamaed up...

fasten your seatbelts!

Not since Airplane has airline comedy been so surprisingly relevant. And so damn entertaining!

there she goes again.

there goes my indiehood

yep, i'm selling up and moving on. 23 days til christmas and there's money to be made selling my indie heritage on ebay. goodbye dusty vinyl and lusty geetar - all i ever thought i'd be and never was.

spot the difference

...between the high profile female solo artists' album covers ...
Beyonce - Dangerously in Love
Kelis - Tasty
Kylie - Ultimate Hits
... i mean, come on.

mmm

small town flirt is the colour of angel delight...

...and this would never ever happen here

state of the nation

Probably the most accurate portrayal of the twenty-something woman on TV today. Yet another thing to feel guilty about - but do these girls need financial advisors or counselling?

R&J

No, not Romeo and Juliet, but Richard and Judy, Great Britain's teatime favourites and most unlikely bookworms. Their production team have held the publishing industry to ransom over the past twelve months through the promise of hitherto unprecedented publicity for authors across the 'literary' spectrum. HOW?

I found myself packing boxes of submissions this afternoon for next year's Book Club, and inevitably thinking to myself 'What credentials do they have for suggesting the books the gullible (yes they are) viewing public should read?' Recalling this year's selection further infuriated me, to the point that I entered into a discussion with my colleagues about perhaps creating a book award of my own. From nowhere. Well, from my impressive reading list. It's a fantastic idea. Watch this space.

like, yeah

sign up here...

...H&M will email you when Karl Lagerfeld's capsule collection hits the racks - or rather glides elegantly along the rails.

I remember a summer working in my H&M suburban outpost back in the mid-to-late 90s when the police raided the shop for a consignment of fake Chanel shades. You remember those chunky gold and black ones? How times have changed.

the most offensive film ever?

nightmares before christmas

when o when is some no mark, no imagination, writer's block ridden producer going to 'commission' tracy emin to 'add vocals' to a backing track? ok, the chapman brothers curate ATP in december, however questionable their credentials to do so are. so why not get tracy emin, that all-conquering britart fashhag to do a shouty electro punk funk number? that'd work.

la belle vie

as soon as i put the phone down i regretted my decision not to go to paris. to me it seemed too easy - the clutch of euros on my pillow, the train tickets on the kitchen table, the hotel reservations...
of course though, i'd rather stay in London for the weekend with a pink polka-dot sack of dirty washing and a VIP pass to schooldisco in Hammersmith.
I slid the 'let's go' Paris guide under a still-wrapped TLS on the floor and decided to get on with my life.

qualifications

it slowly dawned on me that all that might qualify me for the job was a first class degree in english literature from Oxford University, possibly followed by a masters... and parents who would fund my year of labour in their soho offices.

the wardrobe crisis

in the middle of the coldest july in 58 years the london dames are wondering whether they'll get to wear out their muji flipflops before the leaves start to turn. so much for the floatly summer dresses which now clog the shopfloors lik
birkenstocks do't work in puddles. they will rot as the rainwater  drys.
i wait for a hint of summer.

 

skirting the issue

the sun shone down on fitzrovia this lunchtime as sarah I graced the pavement outside the office. blonde hair lightened in time for the summer streaks brushed across her forehead
it's like looking into a fabulous funfair mirror, from black top to black toe.
these light skirts are fitted from hip to thigh, then flare to just below the knee. patterned, frilled, denim... They look great with single strap sandals for the day (birkenstock black/pink/white), but remember to look after your feet. this look will last the season. grrls

NOT body dysmorphic disorder

That would be the opposite.
Wake up with hair-to-go and a wardrobe of ready-to-wear outfits. Relax at the breakfast table because you can eat what you want and you don't get fat. Is that a spot? Only because it's that time of the month because you never breakout otherwise. Moustache? It's just the unflattering light, a mere shadow.

I have a collection of aspirational clothes that I'm dying to wear. Now, I haven't been a size 12 since 1996, but how hard can it be?

2nd hand shops trouble me. I'm big. A big TALL girl (be PROUD! said the doctor) just like they didnt used to make. A bargain will make my week, but hunting for the perfect dress (the current quest) is tiring. I know one vintage shop (BOUTIQUE) which labels their stock with sizes (Bang Bang, Goodge Street) and that's as upmarket you'll get this side of Ladbroke Grove. Where was I?

Essentially, to find the perfect dress, which I truly believe is out there somewhere, whether forgotten in my mum's wardrobe or stashed in the stockroom of a covent garden frockerie, I must only compromise my idea of myself and never my budget. You see, in the olden days, the days that vintage outfitters hark back to, ladies were ladies, corseted to the hourglass and pinchtoed to paralysis. While I covet the cachet and cool of the one-off-the-peg piece, is the disappointment and degradation required to reach the prize worth it?

1. ebay
2. blackoutII, endell st, covent garden
3. rokit, CAMDEN & covent garden
4. mystery store, mercer street, covent garden

easily led

checking out prices of used copies of Nancy Pearl's BOOK LUST on amazon, i found one seller who described his copy as 'gently read'. what a perfect way to read a book of this nature.
it wasn't enough to make me buy it though.

mean streets

everywhere i look i see women who can't walk in their shoes.

m-m-material grrl

'Sometimes I feel just like Bridget Jones. You know, like, how she aleays looks a mess whatever the hell she tries. That's me. Not too bothered...' January 26 6.55 pm

inside laura’s head: Material Girl as Good Charlotte oh-so tunefully observe, it often does appear that girls live for shopping sprees and not really much else. Most girls I know possibly have some kind of shopping addiction, in fact. They pay far more than they can afford for ‘that new item’, the item which, let’s face it, they’re usually bored with after one ‘showing’. and are already re-claiming they need something new as they ‘have nothing to wear’. ½ Why, when passing a shop I’ve looked around hundreds of times before and have a pretty full knowledge of what I expect to be in there, do I feel an overwhelming desire to go in? Even if I’m meant to be doing something far more important and am already late for it? It irritates me. I shop so much, I have begun to recognise which shops other people’s clothes and accessories are from. ½ The Selfridges’ summer sale advert urgently asks ‘do you have something missing in your life?’ If I do, it’s certainly not something I could buy in their store. Hmmm… I could probably spend a whole day looking, though. Selfridges is like some kind of museum, with its beautiful building and items in glass boxes. Although I try to ignore it, the constant knowledge that I don’t really need anything (stuff), except for a scrap of food and dribble of water, is what makes shopping so frustrating. Maybe Selfridges is right and I am missing something. Sanity. Otherwise I would probably stop spending most of my life searching for something perfect to buy. What really makes me do this? Is it an addiction, another unsatisfied appetite, or do I simply have nothing else to do with my free time?
I have a number of theories as to why I feel the need to go shopping so often:
1. It is something to do, which feels vaguely more productive than sitting in an airless room watching crap TV.
2. When I buy one thing, I need to buy something else to match.
3. I am, actually, addicted.
4. Maybe I want to look different each time I go out, so I can pretend I’m a different person.
5. Maybe I’m trying to satisfy a sexual appetite, which obviously can’t be done with shopping, yet I’m doomed to continue trying. Polly Young Eisendrath has written about this idea in Women and Desire. She suggests that ‘female material desire involves an obsession with attaining complete release from the pain of the past, unaware that these obsessions can never be satisfied through material means’….well, I may be aware, but it doesn’t help me.
6. I’m female. Shops were designed and created for my half of the species. Eisendrath mentions this too, how ‘shopping malls were created by male retailers (to cater) specifically for women’s needs and desires. The new, colourful, bright shopping environments promised women some form of individual freedom, as it offered them choice and let them develop a feeling of being in charge of one’s own being.’ The female desire to shop also seems to annoy men, maybe it seems like some form of rebellion. Yet, men made shopping for us. Hmmm, my desire to shop is decreasing rapidly.
The sad thing is, however much I shop, I don’t even like it very much. This is partly because I always wish I had more money. Its partly because sometimes I feel I’m not actually choosing to go shopping but that I just HAVE to but it’s mostly because I hate trying on beautiful clothes that never seem to fit and that seem to be designed solely to reveal my ugly bulges ever more prominently. It depresses me. So much for shopping therapy.


lozginger@smalltownflirt.co.uk

stain removal

emailed at 12.15 pm Oh no. so I treated myself to a mocha from pret yesterday morning. Got into the office and dumped my bag & drink on my desk, turned around, and dull thud. Chocolate coffee all over the floor. The carpet is the ultra-absorbent rented workspace style stuff and I've been stained into bad fengshui with ugly dried puddle next to my desk. As if this week wasn't going to be bad enough! Ugh. Oh double ugh!

Anyone got any tips for stain removal?

what they said:

Dab, don't wipe.

Ignore. Deny all knowledge. shoot shifty sideward glances at anyone with a coffee cup. Blame office idiot (unless thats you). Spill carpet coloured syruppy drink on stain. Sit and wait for the foul smell of festering milk to envelop the office. Have a nice glass of squash. Remember the good old days before polystyrene cups and third degree burns... before we were forced to drink water out of plastic pop-up nipples... when the only choice was between Mars and Twix. When tomato sauce sachets splurged all over your fingers and like totally not your ...errr food - Fuck it, that still happens.


Richard Vlietstra 12:29


My favourite line from that reply: " Blame office idiot (unless thats you)."

Excellent!

Richard Kershaw 12:30

I would suggest changing the entire office around so that the stain is relocated by somebody else's desk - solving the problems of bad feng shui and possibly redirecting the blame at someone senior enough not to get bollocked for it

Nick Gadsby 12:38

Who do you think we are? Women's weekly household tip specialists? Um, in the past I've tried those spray on &scrub out carpet stain remover jobbies, but get this THEY DON'T WORK.

Um, cut a square of carpet to match said area, preferably from somewhere inconspicuous in the office eg inside the stationary cupboard. Cut out stained area to same size, gently slot in fresh unstained carpet and hey presto. No.

Hire a professional carpet cleaner person with a very expensive dyson.

Michelle Kilfoyle 12:23

i dunno anna maybe you should have a go with Boot's hair lightening kit. i remember the time (the morning of my last A-level exam) when i thought it would be clever to get up extra early on the morning of my last A-level exam to touch up my fuschia-coloured streaks and bam.. down fell a large splodge onto my parents' pale pink bathroom carpet. didn't have time to sort it out before going to school, so instead of rejoicing with glee at the handing in of the said exam paper, i solemnly trudged home contemplating my imminent bollocking. after the bollocking i then spotted the aforementioned hair lightening kit and applied some to the stain. and magic! it worked! ... (actually i've probably told you this story before..) so you could have a go with your coffee stain and see what happens...

Katie Jane Anderson 12:56

lick it up

Daniel Bates 15:36